Hypochondria

I've had my fair share of health concerns, with a couple of very rough years after my daughter was born. I have been diagnosed with two chronic conditions; these are now under control.. for the moment at least, but with autoimmune diseases, one never knows.

So, needless to say that I find myself falling into hypochondria every once in a while. While I am sure that I am fine, it also wouldn't be completely unexpected to be diagnosed with another autoimmune disease (various autoimmune diseases tend to present together, so my docs and I are always on the lookout).

For me, it helps drive home the fact that one never knows... Most of us won't get to choose what trials we'll be dealt during the poker game of life, or when we die. We won't have a say in the timing of health concerns or deaths of our loved ones either.. and we will never know the hand of those around us either.

All this to say that in the game of life, we really need to be patient and kind. Go easy with each other, people. When it's you that has the shitty poker hand, you'll be happy you did.

Celebration IN life

One week ago, I had the honour to attend a beautiful gala celebrating the #Juravinskilegacy (if you don't know about this impactful gift yet, please cut and paste that hashtag into your browser and read the full details!).

At the celebration, it really felt like a wedding-like atmosphere. Charles and Margaret were centre-stage, speeches were made in their honour, and there was even a first dance. And Charles indicated that they really felt this was their very own celebration of life.

How great is that?! A celebration of life, while alive.

I hope that this a trend that catches on. It was simply magical: a way for the community, friends and family to tell Charles and Margaret what they meant, how honoured and loved they are.

All the messages we would love to share with people, but seldom do in lifetime.

Rapport building - F.O.R.M.

I recently attended a session on building rapport and the academic who presented spoke about F.O.R.M. (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Motivation)

The theory goes that these are the points upon which most of us start up our conversation, but that it is only through authentic curiosity to what the answers may be that you might come across genuine rapport being established. The key is to go into conversations without pretence and to be vulnerable in your communication.

This being said, rapport building could be a potential mine-field if a death is mentioned under "F" or "M"... and how real we are in reaction will really dictate how the relationship unfolds.

How can we always be at the ready, whether at the grocery store or attending an office event to ensure that we can be vulnerable enough to ask the type of questions that may elicit grief-laden responses, and encourage ourselves to be ok with the authentic uncomfortable moments that may arise when we're entrusted with those details? 

Death Café

Have you heard of the Death Café movement? A Death Café is exactly what it sounds like. You attend a café-type atmosphere (somewhere that serves coffee/tea and cakes/treats) and chat about death. With strangers and no set agenda.

Easy enough - but would you be able to engage? I'm hoping to host a Death Café or two in the next few months... I'll keep you posted. 

In the meantime, check out the origins and see if there is one happening in your area: https://deathcafe.com/what/

Book review: Your Digital Undertaker

Head on over to the CAGP-ACPDP blog for my book review of Sharon Hartung's book, Your Digital Undertaker:

https://www.cagp-acpdp.org/en/blog/where-will-my-stars-go-a-review-of-your-digital-undertaker-exploring-death-in-the-digital-age

Stick families

If you go to any parking lot, you'll undoubtedly come across a car with a stick family bumper sticker. These became mainstream a few years ago, and now have inspired a new batch of stickers stating a myriad of passive aggressive sentiments along the lines of "I don't care about your GD stick family".

I think these family bumper stickers became popular because, in the era of social media, we're used to proclaiming all details of our lives to anyone who will listen... and beyond. Now we're plastering our vehicles with stick figures representing our favourite sports and pastimes, pets, ... and even memorializing the ones we've lost.

Have you seen this new version of the stick family?

I have started seeing a few vehicles with stickers stating "In memory of... ". I find it fascinating. To be honest, it isn't my thing. But if it helps the grieving family/friend feel like they are doing their part to keep their loved one alive, then I suppose it shouldn't matter to me. In reality, maybe it is a very simple way for the bereft to engage with their grief on a daily basis. And who knows - maybe I might change my mind with the next death that hits close to home.

I just hope someone doesn't create a "I don't care about your GD deceased loved one" sticker in retort.

Ownership (part two)

I've been reflecting on my post from a few days ago about placing ownership on those who may be grieving. I'm wondering if I could come up with some tangible suggestions that may be appropriate with acquaintances, colleagues, and clients - offers that don't feel too personal or make someone uncomfortable but may be helpful for someone dealing with grief.

Some initial thoughts:

- "I'll bring you lunch (coffee) tomorrow, any allergies?" (you could even make this a weekly or intermittent gesture for a while - just be sure to let the person know you're planning on doing it, provide advance notice, or ask preferences)

- water office plants for them (leave a note indicating it has been done)

- leave anonymous notes that indicate that they are in someone's thoughts

- start a memorial fund/fundraising campaign (take care of all logistics, but ask permissions)


Many of my initial thoughts also just started with "be understanding/patient/kind".
Do you have any additional suggestions to add? Feel free to comment with yours!