Thursday, June 6, 2019

Casual conversation and then... INSERT FOOT

Given the fact that I spend a great deal of time interacting and studying the topic of death, AND that I make a living out of building authentic relationships, I hope to be amazing at impromptu conversations that touch upon the topic.

But today I was not great. And I am wincing about it.

This morning outside my daughter's school, I was having a casual conversation and another mom opened up about a death in her family, in a manner that was relevant to our discussion.

Looking back, I am judging my response. Did I say the wrong thing? I know I said something that could have caused additional grief/pain. I spoke about her strength...

<insert facepalm emoji>

I know from my readings on the topic of grief that this is often a no-go word - using a word like strength can indicate that we admire a person - who had no choice; or could cause additional pain if they don't feel particularly strong that day.

I also made some additional comments that I could have worded differently, or I could have explained why I knew previously about this woman's loss. I absolutely could have created a more empathic space for her.

The fact of the matter is that I felt privileged that she opened up, and I am not sure that I did that justice.

These interactions can sneak up on us. In any and every aspect of our daily lives.
Because of this, I don't think that we can over-practice our choice of words enough... in order to truly make the world more welcoming/more safe for our peers, clients, friends, and acquaintances who are grieving, we must continue to dig deep and try to get better.

We owe it to others, and we owe it to our future selves who will be at the receiving end.

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