Proximity warning

One of my closest friends sent me a brilliant BBC article. It was entitled "Death of a close friend 'can impact health for years' (https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-48238600)

I have to admit, that upon reading the title, I kind of went 'well, yeah...duh'. After all, grief of any type can negatively impact our health and wellbeing. 

But then I read on. The article speaks about research out of Stirling University and Australian National University and the main research is specific to the special associated disenfranchised grief that can be experienced with the death of a close friend, specifically because it isn't recognized by society at large or our constructs. 

I have long had an issue with bereavement leave. Think about it - most workplace policies detail the exact relationship you should have with the deceased in order to qualify for a standard amount of time. Three days is the norm. (sidebar - who the hell made this the 'norm'? Is there anything more inane? Three days is barely enough to even deal with funeral arrangements and planning. But I digress...)

In the case of the type of death detailed in the study by these two institutions, the death of a friend would not even be a blip for most workplaces. And sure, there are likely flexible arrangements or caring bosses that would simply make it work. But the policy in itself is already telling the bereft employee that their grief doesn't matter. It doesn't qualify. 

As a manger, I sincerely hope that in the moments when it matters most for my employees, that I am able to remove the jargon, the policy, and the process, and be there for those who are grieving. I hope that I can recognize grief, even when society may not. Most of all, I hope that I can be empathetic, even when my own very flawed human nature does not personally recognize the pain. I hope that we can all someday understand that defined proximity does not dictate our grief.