CAGP 2019

Today I presented to just under 50 professional advisors and fundraisers from across the country. I was so grateful that many showed up (there were some other great breakout sessions happening at the same time as mine and I think I would have chosen one of the others)!

I was also so very pleased with the level of engagement. With a topic like death you really can’t be sure that people will come ready to talk. Although this was the fourth time I’ve presented on the topic, I wasn’t sure how the activities would land. The good news is that my fellow fundraisers are always willing to role play... and I love it! So while hopefully it was seen as a safe place for such a serious discussion, I was thrilled at the level of candid (and at times raw) discussion. 

My takeaway is that enough people view this topic as important, see the need to continue to push ourselves, and fundraising professionals are eager and open to the messages. So it is reaffirming that what I am doing is worthwhile. 

My presentation was followed by Mike Downie from the Downie Wenjack Foundation (https://www.downiewenjack.ca). A VERY powerful keynote. I'll try to come back to this presentation in a post or two, but first need to dig into the content a little more to do it justice. Mike was very very good at speaking about the deaths of his father and then his brother, Gord. It was gorgeous.

But back to my session for this post. During my presentation, some lovely and important points were made by my fellow fundraisers and I want to capture these insights before i forget! In my content, I present The Ring Theory, which was created by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman. I present this tool because it was helpful to me at a time where I was quite ill. I asked session participants to engage in an activity to help solidify the learning. In the activity, I provide a case study, and ask people to assume roles and place corresponding stickers on the rings. One of the comments that was made was that because the ring theory is so subjective and always in flux, she didn't have the details she felt she would need to place the character in any one particular ring. She also made the comment that our relationships can change in intensity as death approaches - which is absolutely true. One person may know/understand where they fall on the rings but that could change with one conversation or interaction. Relationships can get deeper or fade as death approaches. This was a really important point and the conversation was enriched with this feedback

Another participant asked me how I felt about personal boundaries and whether we can/should place hand on theirs etc In the moment, I answered that I felt it would be impossible to answer with a blanket statement. it would have to be left up to each individual fundraiser to determine comfort level based on relationship. I advised watching body language and simply asking questions about a person’s preference. A bit later, a participant mentioned to me that she has been taught a great technique where we can still feel that we are actioning our empathy, but also being respectful. In that moment of silence, when you're mirroring behaviour, and simply being there, another option would be to simply and quietly offer a box of tissue- this gives us a gesture and it does not necessarily infringe on the donor/client. 

The idea I presented of témoignage also landed... I think. I presented this as a “do”- the idea that as professionals we should be doing our part to break and reorder grief models. More on this later.