Unimaginable

This past Saturday, I was in Ottawa and treated my daughter to a matinee performance of Hamilton. It was phenomenal. 

(and those were the smiles BEFORE the production even started!) 

Watching the production live (as opposed to the Disney+ version) reminded me that so much of the spectacular art we consume daily is about death. Think about Shakespeare's plays, Hollywood blockbusters, books that top the New York Times best sellers list... doesn't it seem like the most popular, the most resonant art centralizes around the theme of death?

But why? 

Simply put, I think it is because art is aspirational. And society sucks at death. Full stop. 

In the musical Hamilton, so many songs and scenes centre on death, but in one song, I was particularly hit by the aspiration for compassion that the play exudes.

In the song It's Quiet Uptown, after Alexander Hamilton's son dies, the cast sings "have pity on him, he's working through the unimaginable". 

Truly, I long for a world where we could give the space this song requests to anyone going through grief. Imagine living in a world where we can remind one another to go gently on each other (and ourselves) in times of grief? 

What grace.

Food for thought

If you are in a people-serving profession, I think it is incredibly important that you are constantly pushing outside of your own bubble to understand the perspectives of people around you, people you'll interact with, and frankly, people you may never even meet. 

Last night, one of my best friends sent me an Instagram video with a perspective on grief that I had not considered. I am so glad she did. If you have a chance, please visit the account by @alokvmenon and watch this clip. 

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CfzPL2IIiyo/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

The fresh perspective that kind of blew my mind (in a good way): 

"I feel undone by the irrevocable fact that the people that we love die. 

And that society is structured in a way that refuses to talk about it. 

It's easier to play pretend: that we are immortal, that we are proud, that we aren't lonely. 

I believe that unprocessed grief is the fuel of homophobia and transphobia. 

Behind every bigot is a broken heart. 

Because we have no spaces to grieve, and be witnessed in our pain, we take it out on ourselves and one another." 

I wonder if creating a more death positive and grief accepting society could help heal us from the horrors of racism, colonialism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, and ageism... 

And bringing it closer to home, if we approached our workplaces by acknowledging that every single client/patient/donor that we serve in our industry may have a broken heart, would that help us to better understand their desired purpose and be more effective in our roles? I think it would certainly help us check ourselves at the door. 

What do you think? 

A different way to die

This is a really great article about the death care industry in Canada, and how it is growing and changing. It's an exciting time. Wills online, virtual death supports, home funerals... I'm thrilled to see this progression and one can only hope that these changes and advances continue their way from 'unique' to main stream. 

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/article-canadas-growing-death-care-industry-offers-a-different-way-to-die/

Preparation

I’m getting ready to present a masterclass to my colleagues and peers next week at a conference, and in going through some materials I have at home, I was reminded of this poem. I like it. It’s great advice. I hope it is useful to you. 

Just too much

I like to think that I am generally death-positive. But sometimes, the grief touches too close to home, and I have to live in my moment for a bit. 

Make lunch for my kiddo, lug dirt in my yard, have conversations with donors, give performance reviews, run, sleep, eat. 

For me, this is where silence around situations like the horrific massacre in Uvalde, Texas comes up. I couldn’t let it in. 

And I know I must. Because that pain is so real for so many. 

So taking some time today to honour those victims, read their stories, honour the lives they will not live.

It is a lot, but it is important. Do it when you’re able, but be gentle on yourself. 

Bookmark

I read this article a while back and have kept the tab open in my browser. I don’t want to forget it. I don’t want to forget these grievers. 

It’s my personal acknowledgment that as the world “gets back to normal”, the last two years sucked, and our current situation continues to be horrendous for so many people. 

Let’s definitely not forget that. Keep the tab open. 

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2022/04/us-1-million-covid-death-rate-grief/629537/ 

Ear candy

If you have a few minutes in your day, I’d recommend checking out a particular (& hilarious) New York Times magazine essay, or listening to the podcast version read by author Sam Anderson. You can find the podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-daily/id1200361736?i=1000565257807

Although it may seem like an odd recommendation based on the title, I’m sharing my favourite line to connect the dots: “diet culture is a fear of death disguised as transformation”. 

In fact, this listen reminds me of another great podcast episode that I listened to recently, featuring death doula Alua Arthur. https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/we-can-do-hard-things-with-glennon-doyle/id1564530722?i=1000563434679 In this episode, Alua speaks about her approach to embracing humanness, in recognition that we only have this one life.

One life.