Running alone

https://www.thestar.com/life/health_wellness/2021/04/26/is-it-disrespectful-to-go-running-in-a-cemetery.html I love this article as a whole, but mostly the quote at the end: “If we all, for a moment, step back and just remember that we’re not in this world all alone and everybody around us has a reason for being where they are, everybody gets along just fine.” I think there is something profound in this sentiment. We're all just hanging on, until we're not. We can choose to run solo. Or, we can recognize that maybe the course will be more fun if we take note - and maybe even banter with - the runners around us.

Rules

https://medium.com/moms-dont-have-time-to-write/the-rules-of-grief-f51ae7bebbb4 When it comes to grief, there are no timelines or 'best practices'. For the people in the back: there.are.no.rules!

Things

I've never been someone who is necessarily caught up in items (my daughter recently accidentally broke a wierd bird sculpture and I didn't really care all that much!), but I do recognize that certain people place a lot emphasis on things. And when it comes to the emotions that some items can evoke, those things become something greater to cherish. Sometimes a thing, isn't just a thing. I just came across this post on twitter, which speaks very much to this grief phenomenon:

Being heard

We, as a Canadian society, are not good at grief. We're death illiterate and prefer to silence those who are grieving. We avoid the discomfort, the sadness, at all costs. We attempt to fix or gloss over with euphemisms or platitudes. Every. Single. Day. But imagine a world where we gave a voice to grief… allowed people to actually talk about their person freely and never asked them to ‘get over it’. Yesterday I was lucky enough to moderate a panel discussion at the CAGP National Conference on Strategic Philanthropy. The conversation held space for four widows/widowers and it was powerful. We had a huge attendance and the delegates shared both during and after the session that it was meaningful for them to hear the panel’s perspective. So why can’t we do this better? One on one, and on a regular basis. I’d encourage you to try: Give space to those who grieve. Ask them about their person. “Park your own stuff” as one of the panelists said poignantly, fight the urge to ‘fix it’ (you can’t), and listen.

What lands for one...

 “Grief is praise, because it is the natural way love honors what it misses.”

~ Martín Prechtel

I just came across this quote on Twitter. While I quite like the sentiment, I wonder if it would be universally found to be helpful. 

After reading Megan Devine’s book “It’s Ok that You’re Not Ok”, I recognize that this statement could be problematic or even painful for some grievers to hear. 

The point being, there is no universal phrase that works for everyone. There is no one way to sum up the complex emotions that go along with grief. Mistakes and missteps will happen as we interact with grieving friends or family. And best intentions could cause unintended pain. 

Don’t assume that one size fits all, and instead, move ahead with authenticity and grace. 

Get real

Our notions of what can be soothing to bereft people in our lives is always going to be from our own POV. It’s all a guessing game and what works for one won’t necessarily work for another. But it is always a good idea to reach out. It is always going to matter that we’ve given space for memories, laughter, and sorrow. It is always good to reflect on the person who has died and give the opportunity for their name to be said aloud. 

You won’t make a grieving person more sad. Just do it.

(And if you’re looking for an alternative to flowery condolence cards, my Etsy shop is back online after a hiatus - https://etsy.me/2ZQE2FR )

Grief Crisis

“The effects of grief can be as physical as the symptoms of any disease. The short- and long-term impacts are well studied and includetrouble sleeping, higher blood pressure,depression and anxiety. Studies have foundthat people who lose a spouse die earlier than their married peers. Children who experience loss of a parent may suffer lasting consequences, including lower grades and failing in school, as well as increased experimentation with drugs and alcohol.”

This passage comes from an article in the New York Times (https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/12/opinion/covid-death-grief.html) and demonstrates just some of the reason that I will continue to beat the drum of death and grief education for professionals of all walks of life. 

Grief is incredibly relevant to how we manage our teams, interact with peers, serve our clients. If we don’t acknowledge how death impacts our working world, we’re burying our heads in the sand.

As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be

You’ll most certainly have heard of Robert Munsch. He wrote children’s classics (ahem- The Paperbag Princess anyone?!) that have been a feature in my upbringing and now, my daughter’s. My kiddo is a bit older now and mostly out of her Munsch phase, but one that we’ve held on to is titled Live You Forever. The story is very sweet, and sad as hell. For my daughter, this book brought about her very first understanding of death as my voice quivered while reading it to her when she was 3/4 and she noticed a tear on my cheek. “It’s ok, mommy.” She said in her sweet tiny voice. Dagger to my heart. The anticipatory grief of experiencing such an enormous loss weighs on each of us, and it’s moments like this- a quiet story time- that can drag it out of us. 

To this day, this Munsch story still gets me, as does the memory of my kiddo’s sweet reaction to comfort me. 

(Also- where did that tiny voice go? She’s entering double digits this year and more pre-teen by the day! Agh)

 https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-heartbreaking-story-behind-iconic-childrens-book-love-you-forever_n_573ceb97e4b0aee7b8e8f76f