I've been thinking a lot about the word RESILIENCE.
This morning, I was lucky enough to hear from the President of FedEx, Lisa Lisson (http://lisalisson.ca/resilience-the-book/). She spoke very personally about her experience with death and grief, and how she strives to cultivate resilience.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, I know that many people see this as a "dirty" word (https://www.bmj.com/content/358/bmj.j3604), especially as it relates on how we're showing up in light of the pandemic.
I also recently listened to a fabulous podcast on this same subject (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocV8Ce7JI_I)
Personally, I'm seeing that my relationship with (& understanding of) resiliency is an ongoing process.
Through my deepest valley with chronic illness I found resiliency in ways I never expected. I unintentionally and without forethought used positivity to get me through. It worked for me. I didn't think about the potential negative outcomes, and used gratitude as my guiding light. In a way, I stuck my head in the sand and did not even recognize how bad things were. I look back at pictures now and think "shit... I was REALLY sick. I almost died", but never thought this in the moment. People call that being resilient, but I call it 'rolling with the punches'.
Through my work on death and grief, I also acknowledge that resilience can be both instrumental and detrimental to an individual's grief. I think the key is that it is the individual who chooses how it serves them.
For Lisa, she woke up saying 'I've got this' and 'Things are going to be better than good' and it worked for her. For her, resiliency is key is helping her live her life with grief.
Conversely, in the book by Megan Devine, she touches on how a resiliency-praising culture can have negative effects.
“The reality of grief is far different from what others see from the outside. There is pain in this world that you can't be cheered out of. You don't need solutions. You don't need to move on from your grief. You need someone to see your grief, to acknowledge it. You need someone to hold your hands while you stand there in blinking horror, staring at the hole that was your life. Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.”
― It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand
So my takeaway today is this: I will define resiliency for myself. If "being resilient" is helping me get through my day, I won't let others define this as toxic positivity or naïveté - I will live it, embrace it, and be better for it.
And on the flip side, I will also allow myself to not be ok. Because sometimes I am not. And to me, this does not demonstrate that I am not resilient - it is the authenticity that makes me, me.
And I will also endeavour to allow the space for resilience in others - however they define it.
