Landmines

I think many of us believe Valentine's day to be a fabricated, commercial holiday. Or maybe that's just cynical moi?

Well, whether you agree with me, you think it is an innocuous silly day, or especially if you actually love the celebration of love... it will come as no surprise that the day may be filled with landmines for those grieving.

And, because of the focus (hearts! pink! sparkles!), we likely don't recognize it in our professional lives.

If you have a colleague or client who could be grieving this Valentine's day, I'd encourage you to drop them a note expressing your admiration.

It doesn't have to speak to their potential grief, but even a simple 'I'm thinking of you' or 'I appreciate you' on a day that could be potentially painful may be just what they need to hear.

At best, you're making them feel loved on a tough day filled with landmines, at worst, you're making someone smile on a fabricated, commercial holiday.

(Maybe just skip the heart chocolate and singing balloon-o-grams.)

Clothes, hair strands, and office space

The other day I wrote about someone I had started following on Twitter. Fernanda Santos also wrote a beautiful piece for the New York Times: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/01/opinion/sunday/death-husband-grief.html. It's about so much more than grief - definitely recommend it.

Sidebar - This story made me think of my grandmother and my mom and how they grieved immediately following the death of my grandfather twenty years ago. The day after he died, my grandmother took grandpa's hairbrush and cleaned it out, removing any leftover hair strands that may have been caught in the bristles. My mom was in awe of her mom's strength, stating that she wouldn't have been able to part so quickly with the last physical evidence of her dad. I was in University at this time of grandpa's death, but both these reactions have stayed with me. I too think of my grandmother's reaction as strength, but also wonder if that is the right word/sentiment.

In my workplace, there was someone who (somewhat unexpectedly) died last year. While his widow has come in to remove items from the office, the space remains unused, and his name remains on the door...

At what point is it the right time to give away clothes, remove hair strands from a brush, use an office space for another purpose? Is a professional timeline expected to be different than a personal one?

Truth

Created from heartbreak, a new children's book gives words to parents whose child is dying:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-after-losing-her-young-son-to-cancer-a-mother-wrote-a-childrens-book/

This article had me tearing up - I'm sure I'll be a blubbering mess when I read the book. But the honesty is what I admire. Imagine a world where we can all be as truthful and genuine in dealing with the subject of death...

Formula

I was recently reading a thread on social media. It was an intimate post (@ByFernandaS) about a day a mother and widow gave her husband's phone to her daughter. In this series of Twitter posts, one line was written beautifully: "Grief and loss have no formula". It's an incredibly simple (and obvious?) statement, but I believe a number of people still need to understand this concept. There is no one way to grieve, there is no 'right' way to remember a loved one.

Grief and the process we follow will be as unique as every person in our lives.