Shock

I am currently sitting at my daughter's circus school and news of Kobe Bryant's death has just hit everyone's phone. It's very surprising news, and watching the ripple of people's reaction is also very interesting. Whether you enjoy basketball or not, I think you'd have had to have lived under a rock to not know Kobe. He was just one of those celebrities that made an impact. He was also just so stinking young... only a year older than me.
And now he's gone.
That hits home.

So I guess the lesson is what it always is - make your impact while you're here. Live your life today. Love those around you to your fullest extent. And don't have regrets.

Life is really just too short.

Millennials are winning

I recently came across a Vox article that had a really fascinating title about Millennials being more death positive than other generational counterparts. Unfortunately I didn’t have a chance to read the article when I came across it and can’t locate it again. Instead, I located an article from the Walrus that was published in March of last year, covering the same topic. I like The Walrus better anyway, so not a terrible loss. J

https://thewalrus.ca/death-will-millennials-be-the-first-generation-to-stop-fearing-death/

Looking at generational differences in attitudes toward death is fascinating to me. But like a lot of things, I think that death and grief are topics where I’d caution an over-reliance on generalizations. 

But this article poses a great point - are you holding the ball or have you tossed it elsewhere?

Monsters

Have you seen the new video for the song 'Monsters' by James Blunt?
Even if Blunt is not your favourite singer, I'd encourage you to take a look at the video. Spoiler: it's an intimate look at grief.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTFbGcnl0po

I read an article about the video and it actually described some parts as being difficult to watch. Which is exactly the point, I think. Grief is really hard to watch. And we turn away so often...

Consider watching this video an endeavour to force yourself to witness someone's grief. Silently, without judgement, without action.

No matter your profession, I genuinely believe that this exercise can be helpful to you in your professional (& personal!) life.

Marching forward

Every year before the Academy Awards (Oscars) my hubby and I try to watch all of the nominated films (thank you, android box!)  Most of this film watching has to happen after our daughter goes to bed, but last night we decided to watch Greta Gerwig’s Little Women with her.

Some context: My little girl is SUPER sensitive, VERY empathetic and EXTREMELY emotive; the love plots, the voyeurism into a world with sisters (she is an only child) were so fun to watch alongside her – I knew it would be up her alley.

But then came Beth’s death. Oy vey. 

I knew it would shake her. I knew she’d be sad. But I honestly had not fathomed that it would affect her like it did. 

I was not prepared for her to have an existential crisis right before bed.

But death is serious stuff. And it hits us all a little differently. And for my girl with big emotions, it came down to just needing time to sit with it, talk about it, shed lots of tears, and consider her confusion in a safe space. 

On second thought, is that really all that different than what I need? 

She hasn’t brought it up today, and I don’t think I’ll push the topic for a while (maybe I won’t try to show her my childhood favourite My Girl just yet!), but I am looking forward to sitting with her the next time the ‘bigness’ of death hits her. 

Eventful

I'm super excited that death seems to be going mainstream... various events and art exhibits are popping up - I hope this is the beginning of people realizing that they can't stick their heads in the sand about this topic. I was just recently alerted to an awesome event coming up in Toronto this month: https://www2.ocadu.ca/event/dying.

I'm hoping to make it to the symposium and will post anything I learn!

Have your say...

For fellow Canadians, an important conversation is taking place at the moment, and I would encourage you to engage in it: https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/cons/ad-am/index.html - please consider taking a few minutes to participate in this quick questionnaire regarding medical assistance in dying, or MAID. 

The consultation with members of the public ends on January 27th, so don't delay! It only takes a few minutes and you never know when this type of care may be very relevant for you. 

Making assumptions

Anytime I say something about assuming, my husband generally responds back to me "To assume makes an ASS out of U and ME." Eyeroll.

But it is kind of true, right? If we make assumptions in any part of our lives, we are generally guessing what others are thinking. this is especially impractical when it comes to end of life discussions. This article speaks about a research study in a long term care facility, in which residents divulged that they found approaching death conversations difficult, and assumed that the arrangements could be made by their family members after their death. At the same time, this research found that the family members did not initiate conversations because they assumed the conversations had taken place between the resident and the health care providers at the residence. Talk about making assumptions!

Read more here:

https://troymedia.com/health/break-silence-end-of-life-decisions/

Rabbit Hole

I'm not sure if I am alone in this, but there are times when I think to myself 'this must not be new... there must be something out there already!'. Recently, I decided to go on a random google search, and down the rabbit hole I went. The good news is that I came across some decent resources that I hope may be helpful some day!

Canada Life (an insurance provider) has a workplace mental health platform. Hidden within this gem is an article on grief response. It provides a quick 'how to' for supporting employees who encounter grief. Take a read:

https://www.workplacestrategiesformentalhealth.com/managing-workplace-issues/grief-response

Take the next step, next breath

Some beautiful grief insights from Disney in the recent Frozen 2. Watch/read the lyrics from the song The Next Right Thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6g1yQV0dIY

I've seen dark before, but not like this
This is cold, this is empty, this is numb
The life I knew is over, the lights are out
Hello, darkness, I'm ready to succumb
I follow you around, I always have
But you've gone to a place I cannot find
This grief has a gravity, it pulls me down
But a tiny voice whispers in my mind
You are lost, hope is gone
But you must go on
And do the next right thing
Can there be a day beyond this night?
I don't know anymore what is true
I can't find my direction, I'm all alone
The only star that guided me was you
How to rise from the floor?
But it's not you I'm rising for
Just do the next right thing
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing
I won't look too far ahead
It's too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath, this next step
This next choice is one that I can make
So I'll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And, with it done, what comes then?
When it's clear that everything will never be the same again
Then I'll make the choice to hear that voice
And do the next right thing

Love scars

One of my very best friends sent me this post to me over the holidays, and I am just getting around to posting it. It is a good one... 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6ZNstMo7MV/?igshid=rni47lde5un3

"scars are a testament to life" 

Love it. 

Challenge

As I have written a few times before - we're all struggling with our own battles. In our 'work world' this isn't always addressed.. in fact, I'd argue that most of us sweep our own battles under a rug from 9-5, Monday-Friday.

In 2020, I have a challenge for you - and for me - in the height of our busy professional schedules. I challenge you to 12 acts of understanding this year.

Once a month, think about your professional contacts, your colleagues, your clients, etc, and think of one person who may be struggling with grief. Maybe it is a boss who lost a grandparent, or an acquaintance whose partner died last year. This year, our challenge is to push past the uncomfortable nature, past the rug-sweeping, and reach out. Make a difference, acknowledge that they may be grieving, and let them know that you are thinking of them.

This is going to be a bit of an experiment for me, but I hope you'll join me. In French, instead of 'good luck' the term that is used is 'bon courage'... this is what I wish for all of us willing to take on this challenge.