Missteps

Once upon a time, I was at an event. The event was a sort of a memorial for someone who died by suicide. At the event, I was speaking with colleagues in the corner and I was speaking about something totally unrelated, in a moment of casual conversation. I then proceeded to tell these colleagues a funny story and said 'just shoot me'... and made a gun, puling trigger hand gesture.

CRINGE-worthy right?
Are you mortified for me? Are you judging me?

Truth-talk - this happened. I am not proud of it. It was a major misstep.

I don't know if any of the guests saw my total lapse in judgement. It may be that it went completely unnoticed... but that's not the point. I shouldn't have done it in the first place; I should never be making that kind of a sign.

And yet, I know I am not alone. Our society is full of these small, innocuous-seeming signs, signals, words, and sayings that creep into everyday vernacular... and it's awful to think of a meaningless hand sign causing someone pain.

A learning moment for sure. And a misstep I've consciously worked through to ensure I don't do it again.

Podcast

I love finding out that the death positive movement is now taking advantage of things like podcasts. Just came across this one and although I haven't yet had a chance to listen, I am most definitely adding this to my downloads: https://www.dyingmatters.org/page/dying-matters-podcast

Three questions

I recently read about research work being done by a woman named Sophia Zupanc (@SophiaZupanc on twitter)  who is traveling the world asking people three questions of the people she interacts with:

1. When is the last time you talked with someone about death or dying? 
2. Are you scared of dying? 
3. Are you currently dying? 

How would you answer? 

Read more about Sophia's work in her guest blog for the UK organization Dying Matters: https://www.dyingmatters.org/blog/dispatches-death-exploring-how-we-die

And on her research blog chronicling her travels: https://peripateticpalliation.com

The science of death denying attitudes

It turns out that death denial is in our makeup. According to a study from the Bar Ilan University in Israel, as described by this article in the Guardian (https://www.theguardian.com/science/2019/oct/19/doubting-death-how-our-brains-shield-us-from-mortal-truth), it is almost encoded in our brains like some form of wonky self preservation method.

So it's no wonder we have such a difficult time with proximity to grief. From the article: "(the research) tells us that we shield ourselves from existential threats, or consciously thinking about the idea that we are going to die, by shutting down predictions about the self, or categorizing the information as being about other people rather than ourselves." Our brain is actually telling us this is a condition of the 'other' so we are unable to empathize authentically.

Is it possible to train ourselves out of this "primal mechanism"? What would the world look like if we could?

Speaking from the grave

I'm sure this came up in your social media recently. If you haven't watched it, I suggest you do. This prankster decided that he wanted to leave his loved ones laughing... and I would say he succeeded.

I'd love to be able to leave my loved ones a gift like this.

(Language warning)

https://www.ctvnews.ca/lifestyle/watch-irish-granddad-pranks-mourners-from-the-grave-1.4637972

Have heart

I came across this twitter post today. Take four minutes and listen. It is so relevant, no matter your profession. Endeavour to have heart in your interactions. Always.


https://tinyurl.com/yyzgs4hh 



Via twitter:

https://twitter.com/emcases/status/1184647259612422145?s=12

Life gets busy, death happens anyway

After my vacation hiatus I got into a supercharged work term... the Fall is notoriously a busy time for fundraisers, but I am also covering a paternity leave for my boss at the moment so I have felt bogged down and generally un-inspired.

This being said, as much as I am focusing on staying afloat, the need for death education keeps popping up: a colleague was invited to say goodbye before a beloved donor engaged with MAID, a donor/alumnus-produced play takes place at a funeral/wake in Newfoundland (check out "No Change In The Weather"), and a few new enquiries for help with gifts in donor's estates plans... the point is, no matter how busy life gets, no matter how overwhelmed we may feel... death doesn't care.

Death happens. We can't put it off like I have been putting off my return to blogging. It happens. Life and death goes on...